I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
