you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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