I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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