so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
