Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
