They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
