I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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