I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
