Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
