So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
