hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Less talking, more tequila
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Boobs are out for the taking
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
