my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
