I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
