I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
