nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
