sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
