I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
