you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
