We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
