i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
