She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
