so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
