HIV tests are more positive than that guy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
