yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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