i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I had to cum in my sink.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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