You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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