The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
