I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
