a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Your cock deserves a montage
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
