he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
ok first of all what the fuck
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
