Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
