Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm bleeding and have questions
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
