Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
