i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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