Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
