scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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