hotel room ftw
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
