it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize