I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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