Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
