They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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