I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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