Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As shirtless as possible
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
