he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
