the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
