This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
