Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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