fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
