Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
