she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
