i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
