I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
