That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
