all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
